A Period of Chaos - Chapter 50

Chapter 50. Memory

Click. The cabinet opened.

‘……’

He met the eyes of the child whose face was dirty with tears and snot.

The round eyes that took up half of her small face looked like they would roll down at any moment. She was short, her hands and feet were small, just like everything else. Except for her eyes. They were like a giant black hole.

Tae-joo felt himself being sucked into it. His mind was hazy, as if he was floating inside the child’s eyes.

The tentacle that had been approaching her threateningly mutated on its own. The tentacle, which had become soft and slick, oozing mucus so as not to scratch her delicate skin, gently wrapped around the child and pulled her out.

The bag that the child had been holding tightly fell off. There was a funny-looking green rabbit name tag on it.

Kim Ah-hee

A white name tag, with fresh green letters like sprouts, spelling out Kim Ah-hee.

‘M-Mom… Hic… Mommmm….’

Tae-joo barely came to his senses after hearing the child’s crying that was digging into his ears.

The child trembled in fear of the black tentacles. She cried and hiccupped, then urinated.

‘Don’t cry.’

Tae-joo grabbed his pounding head and growled.

He felt a very strange feeling. He glared at Ah-hee, who was presumed to be the cause. The child who had been sniffling froze. She felt anxious and uncomfortable.

Her body was already in bad shape, and she broke out in a cold sweat as she was under extreme stress.

‘Hic..! Heuk!’

Ah-hee shut her eyes tightly as if she had seen something very scary. Tae-joo, who had been glaring at Ah-hee, unconsciously grabbed her and held her in his arms. Pressing the back of Ah-hee’s head, he blocked her vision so that she wouldn’t see the situation that was bad for her emotions.

And yet, he didn’t know why he was doing this.

He was so confused that his original plan to cruelly and miserably kill the child didn’t even come to mind.

Tae-joo didn’t want to kill the child.

‘Ah-hee!’

The child’s parents, who were pale, ran over and snatched Ah-hee away.

For a moment, Tae-joo cried as if something he had was taken away. However, when Ah-hee shrank and reached out her hand, his mind quickly became blank.

What’s with that hand? Could it be that she’s asking him to take her away?

He was dumbfounded. The place he was living in wasn’t an environment where he could take and raise a child like that. It wouldn’t matter if he were raising an animal.

What, the environment?

If the environment was good, would he take her and raise her? When the child’s parents are there too?

Just… just what?

Tae-joo couldn’t understand the thoughts flowing in a daze. He quickly turned around in embarrassment. And only after Ah-hee had moved far away did he peek at them.

The child seemed to be growing up with love from a normal caregiver. He couldn’t forcefully take her away from someone who was doing well.

It’s not like he can take responsibility for a child like that.

So, would he bring her back when the time comes?

No, his thoughts kept going in the direction of bringing her back.

Tae-joo felt very stupid.

Even as time passed, it continued to be like that.

His anger faded and the face that looked like a pear blossom that he had seen only once floated through his mind.

At that time, Tae-joo’s feelings were pure. He didn’t know if it was childish possessiveness. He just wanted to bring Ah-hee next to him and raise her.

It was seven years later that his childish desire came true.

***

During the second manifestation, Tae-joo thought of a child crying with tears and snot running down her face.

Kim Ah-hee. He had never forgotten that name.

‘I wonder if she’s doing well…’

He didn’t really plan on doing anything. He was just curious.

Tae-joo, who was eighteen, had been promoted to colonel and received all sorts of praise. His house was no longer a prison cell, and he had the power to protect at least one child.

He had a light heart, thinking that he should check if she was doing well. And if she was in a difficult situation, he might try to help a little.

He didn’t think deeply about why he had that thought. He just wanted to do it, and he thought that was enough of a reason.

‘Come find someone. The survivor of the Strawberry Daycare accident seven years ago, she must be in her early teens by now. Her name is Kim Ah-hee.’

Ah-hee wasn’t doing well.

She was in an orphanage.

From the moment he found out, Tae-joo felt his stomach turn.

If only I had known sooner. No, even now…

What?

‘She’s only twelve, so are you going to sponsor her?’

‘Sponsor?’

‘She’s a Guide. To be exact, she’s a Guide-to-be.’

Guide. He knew what they did. However, Tae-joo was strangely not attracted to Guides even after the second manifestation. Whether they were humans, Ethers, or Guides, they were equally indifferent.

‘I came to find a Guide…..’

It was just an excuse. At the time, Tae-joo didn’t know exactly what he wanted, and he just thought he should take a look at Ah-hee first.

The director, who misunderstood, showed him only the grown orphans. While he pretended to look around at things he wasn’t interested in, his heart pounded as if it was going crazy.

‘Come here, Ah-hee.’

The moment he finally reached his goal, he shuddered as if he had bitten his prey’s neck. He couldn’t take his eyes off those large eyes that looked like they were going to let out a weak scream at any moment.

‘…Bring the documents. I’ll take her right away.’

Tae-joo brought Ah-hee home as he had thought when he was young.

That was when he started feeling uncomfortable.

He was satisfied with bringing her home, but he thought that she shouldn’t be close to him.

It was similar to when she was young.

Do I want to strangle that little girl?

Am I afraid of killing her?

No, that’s not it.

Even after finding the reason and agonizing deeply, he felt that he shouldn’t do anything. His emotions were still too deep and heavy to pour out on a young child.

Tae-joo ignored Ah-hee as if he was erasing her whenever he had the chance.

If Ah-hee came closer first, he threatened her and chased her away.

But he didn’t want anything else besides himself to be by her side. Tae-joo also got rid of everything that clung to Ah-hee.

He isolated Ah-hee. He made her lonely.

Ah-hee was kind and gentle. She didn’t deserve to be treated like that so Tae-joo felt guilty and miserable.

It was painful to keep her close, but it was painful to keep her far away. He resented Ah-hee for enduring a pain worse than countless tortures.

Nevertheless, he could never hate her. Tae-joo wanted to compensate Ah-hee. He wanted to apologize for leaving her alone.

He wished that Ah-hee would want a lot more. He wished that she would ask for anything. He wished that she would live peacefully, healthily, and luxuriously without any worries.

However, Ah-hee didn’t want anything great. She didn’t have any material desires, so she would wear whatever she wanted unless he told her otherwise.

The large eyes that shook the young Ether were always directed at Tae-joo.

What that child wanted was….

Perhaps, it was me.

Whether it was joy or despair, Tae-joo felt goosebumps all over his body.

It was a mess, and he couldn’t figure it out.

It was chaos.

‘I told you not to look at me like that. Do you want all your holes torn apart?’

Even though Ah-hee was twenty years old, Tae-joo was threatening as she pushed, pushed, and pushed his limits again. It was too painful.

His insides were torn to shreds and his mind was in a pit. As the days passed, he became more confused and it was harder to keep his mind.

‘My master…’

No. Don’t allow it. Don’t trust me.

Don’t be foolish….

Tae-joo felt the line he had drawn with great effort fading away.

Then he suddenly realized.

‘I love you. I love you so much. I love you enough to die for you…’

Ah-hee’s hand never let go of Tae-joo.

From the moment they first met until now, Ah-hee had held on to him tightly.